About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize