hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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