just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize