We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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