i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
