I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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