Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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