It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
