Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My cat gives me a boner
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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