Dude my mom stole all your condoms
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
