I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
