I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
