I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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