hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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