some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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