Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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