Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
