It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
