i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
