im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
