I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
