I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
