He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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