you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
