Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You are a genius and a whore.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize