We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
