I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
