i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
