I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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