covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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