I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
