It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
