New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
