I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
