Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
