non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
