So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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