I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i now understand why vodka
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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