one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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