She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Pants 0. Shit 1.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
