I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
