I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
