Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
