Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
