i just sent this text using only my big toe
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
