Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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