Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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