Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
