your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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