well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We left the knife in your bed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
