This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
