Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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