idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
