Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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