I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
