I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
it's like iHOP with fire
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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