oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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