i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
