i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
