Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
