Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
