I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
