sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
