is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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