ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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