It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize