Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
