I CAN MOONWALK!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
