I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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