Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
