I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
